Ok, I'm not really sure how to begin here. I mean, this IS rather embarrassing. The only reason I'm even sharing this story is in the hopes that someone out there can help- I'm in a very... Interesting jam here. Ok, well, let me start at the beginning.
First of all, HI! My name is Katie. I am a 23 year old paralegal living in the BEAUTIFUL northwest. I've got a great guy, a sexy car, my cat (who never ever shares my secrets) and... Well, what I THOUGHT was a healthy obsession with... All things, err... Well, CUTE! Ok, like, I LOVE Neopets, I have a turtle, there are kitty pictures all OVER my apartment and, well... Erm... I have quite a selection of... Ok, I'm just gonna say it. I LOVE BUNNY SLIPPERS! It's a vice, a weakness, oh God, I have, like, 10 pairs. Even a pair of Bugs Bunny ones- if he were a real guy, I mean like not a cartoon, but he really existed I'd marry him in a heartbeat. Is that weird? I mean, ok, I have a lot of girlfriends who like cute stuff but even they think I'm a little off with my bunny slipper fetish... Err... You know, maybe I shouldn't use that word to describe it... I mean, it's not like I... Ok, whoa, not going there. Anyway, I like bunny slippers, ok?
So, I was visiting this great shop downtown where they sell all kinds of things. This old guy named Buck or Chuck or... Well he's a nice old man, and he always has a great selection of cute things just 'purrfect' for a girl like me. Sometimes I just shop, but sometimes he manages to have JUST what I'm lookin for. And oh my God, yesterday when I walked in there he had this HUGE grin on his face. And I was like, "Hey uh... Why are you smiling at me?" I kinda talk slow and loud cause he's... Well, old, and he can't hear well, so it was like, "HEY... WHY... ARE... YOU... SMILING... AT... ME?" And so like, he didn't say anything, he just pulled this paper sack out from behind his back.
I guess he kinda saw the puzzled look on my face, cause, like, paper bags are NOT cute and there is NO way to make them that way. But OH MY GOD OHMYGOD OH MY GODDDDDD... He pulled out this big pair of white fluffy BUNNY SLIPPERS! With the FLOPPIEST ears I have ever seen! I almost POUNCED him but I didn't... 'Cause he's, like, old, and he'd have a heart attack, but I did kiss him on the cheek, and told him he was my bestest, bestest friend. He sold them to me for like... 5 BUCKS! And I was SO PSYCHED, I had to hop in my car and rush them home. But I did NOT wear 'em. See, ok, you're gonna think I'm weird again but... I don't wear the slippers when I first get them home. I like to go to bed in my 'Hello Kitty' Pj's, and then the next MORNING, when I first get up, I like to slide my pretty bare feet into the slippers. I dunno WHY I do this, but it's one of my favorite things.
So, like, it was Saturday, so that meant date with the boy-toy- GAWD is he HOT! ...Oh, sorry, anyway... He took me to dinner, and he got me tipsy, so to reward him I took him home and gave him a blow job while humming the tune of Yankee Doodle. So like I sent him home after that 'cause... I didn't want him to laugh at my slippers... He's a guy, he wouldn't understand. And I went to bed. Mmm, I had such a hard time falling asleep... I kept thinking about how soft these slippers would feel on my feet, and it made me get so... Ok, ok, you got me, maybe I AM turned on by them, but I still don't think that's strange. ANYWAY, I woke up and strrrrrretched and yawwwwwned and, mmm, rubbed my eyes. I tied my bright red hair back into a ponytail and, with my eyes closed, let my tiny and tanned bare feet find their own way into the safe and warm comfort of my new pair of yummy bunnies.
OH MY GOD! They felt so inviting! It was SO hard not to start rubbing myself right then and there. You know, I probably woulda have, 'cept the damn PHONE had to RING! And naturally, it was Mikki, and naturally, she mentioned it was SUNDAY, and that we hadn't done lunch in AGES. GRRRRRR... Ok, so I agreed to meet her in an hour at that corner deli that makes this yummy fruit and chicken salad. And I reluctantly decided I needed to get dressed- 'Hello Kitty' Pj's and floppy ear bunny slippers are GREAT for lounging, but not so good for going out and about in.
Now here's where we run into the problem. USUALLY I can just step down on one of the slippers and slide my foot right out but, well... Err... It wouldn't budge. I'm SERIOUS! I stepped my right foot on the back of the slipper and then I lifted up on my left foot to bring it out but... Well, it was STUCK. My calf muscles tightened up, and I was pulling on it like crazy, but... It wouldn't come out. What the hell was up with these slippers? I tried the other foot again, stepping down on the back of the slipper, squishing the little bunny tail, and held my breath as I began to try and pull my foot out of it but... That foot was stuck TOO!
Ok, I was starting to get a little worried here. I mean this type of thing NEVER happens to me, I am always in control and, so, well, this was a bit hard to grasp. But I took a deep breath, rolled up the sleeves on my 'Hello Kitty' Pj's, and lifted my right foot, anchoring it across my left knee. Now I am not a body builder (eww, GROSS) but I work out, so I'm a pretty strong girl. So I cupped my left hand around the heel of the slipper and grabbed the poor bunnies' ears with my right. Then I took a deep breath and I pulled. GOD, did I pull! I screwed my eyes shut and gritted my teeth as I tried with ALL I had, to pry this damn slipper off my FOOT! I could even feel my biceps pressing against the sleeves of my PJ top, as my knuckles went white from the strain. I grrrrrrowled from the effort trying to wrench this damn thing off my foot, and it felt like whatever was holding it to my foot stretched. So I doubled my effort, setting my jaw, tucking my chin and pulling with ALL my MIGHT! But the slipper would NOT... COME... OFF!
I collapsed at this point and tried to catch my breath. I began to try and figure out this issue. Why the hell would bunny slippers be stuck on my feet so tight? Well OBVIOUSLY, that Buck or Chuck or whoever that old man is at that fuckin' store decided to pull a little PRANK on me, and slipped some glue inside of em, so I figured I'd just soak 'em. I ambled my way into the bathroom and hopped in the bathtub, filling it up to my calf muscles with water. Hiking my Pj's up to my knees, I just stood there and waited, while the water dissolved and broke up the sticky-gross glue that had covered my feet and fused them to my slippers. Surely this would work, they HAD to come off! I couldn't drive to lunch with slippers on my feet!
At this point I told myself to shut up aloud, as I was beginning to whimper and whine like a little girl. I'm a career woman; I can handle a little tug of war with a pair of stubborn slippers. So then I leaned back against the shower wall and lifted my right leg and draped it across my left. Oh I LOOOOVE being flexible, and having good balance is a plus too! I once again gripped the slipper as tight as I could and slowly counted, "1... 2..." And on 3, I braced and pulled. A frustrated moan crossed through my clenched teeth, which I thought would crack from the pressure as I put all I had into this. GOD, I threw my head back and prayed for extra strength. My arms were shaking, and at THAT point I screamed and stopped pulling. It felt like the skin was being ripped off of my feet, and then I lost my balance, and my cute butt hit the bathtub floor. OWW!
But rather than be a helpless whimp who can't take care of life's little problems herself, I was undaunted, I grabbed hold of the floppy ears of the left slipper with both hands, and shoved my right foot under my left trying to push the heel off as I pulled. I felt my hands slipping as I braced myself for a harder pull, drawing my shoulders back and tucking my chin. Shaking all the while, I felt that tearing feeling again but I HAD to keep pulling, closing my eyes, and trying to focus on anything but the pain. "GOD... I CAN'T... GET THESE DAMN... Nnnngggh... SLIPPERS OFF!"
And then my hands slipped, and I fell backwards in the tub, getting soaked in the process. That's when I started to cry. I could not believe that anything like this would happen to me... God they were SOOOOO stuck and even with all of my strength I couldn't get them to budge even a little. My knuckles ached from pulling, and my butt didn't feel too good either. I needed to get out of the tub and call Mikki. Maybe SHE could help... If she could get over laughing at me first.